Why J.Lo and Shakira Make You Uncomfortable.
The real reasons people were fired up about the Super Bowl halftime show. And why we shouldn’t stop discussing it.
Unlike many Americans on the evening of Sunday, February 2nd, I was not watching the Super Bowl. I was on a flight back to Los Angeles from London, relegated to watching the halftime show post mortem on my iPhone from the back of a Lyft. I wish I could have seen the spectacular on the big screen. I was hooting and hollering at the awe-inspiring, jaw dropping skills of both Shakira and J.Lo. The physical stamina for a show of that magnitude, Shakira’s amazing musical talent, the sensational costumes and stage direction — I was mesmerized. When I opened Facebook on Monday morning, I was surprised to see not everyone felt the same way I did. (Note to self — probably wise to stay off social media.)
I do my best to stand on the sidelines of the social media circus with a certain level of dispassion. However, the backlash I witnessed from Shakira and J.Lo’s halftime show got me riled up. I felt compelled to write a response. What followed was one of my most seen and commented on posts I’ve ever contributed on Facebook.
Let’s be honest — what made so many people uncomfortable and led them to deem the halftime show inappropriate wasn’t necessarily the costumes, or the dance moves or the gestures — it was the power these women exuded as they wore those outfits, expressed those dance moves, and sang their songs. And more specifically the sexual power they embodied.
When a female CEO takes command of a meeting in a suit, no one feels offended or feels the need to explain why she is taking charge. (Although, it’s likely some people sneer or feel threatened by this as well.) Most people aren’t offended when they drive by a sign of a half-naked woman promoting gentlemen’s club or advertisements for lingerie. Or if they are, they aren’t barking about it on social media.
I can respect and appreciate that the performance did not suit some people’s tastes. What is disturbing is the hypocrisy and double standard with which the criticisms were launched.
How many people (both men and women) called J.Lo and Shakira’s behavior inappropriate or overtly sexual yet will spend hours if not weeks of their life watching the Bachelor series or other reality shows plagued by stereotypes that perpetuate the myths of the catty, submissive, hyper sexualized, whiny and over emotional female? Or comment that the outfits were too suggestive while cheerleaders stand on the sidelines covered in half the amount of clothing? (It’s worth noting that cheerleaders play a supportive role to the men knocking heads and throwing around pigskin, while those two women, likely twice their age, were commanding the stage and owning their power.)
Let’s get real. Some people have a problem seeing powerful women comfortable enough in their own sexuality to enjoy it publically. Men? No problem. Rip off your shirt on the Super Bowl stage and women scream and gawk at your toned and tattooed torso. Women? Show some skin or call attention to the strength and beauty of your shape by adorning it in sequence and leather and it’s ‘too much’ or just asking for attention.
Many detractors stated the show lacked family friendliness. Really? Is your child on Instagram? Playing violent video games? Exposed to billboards and advertisements that merely objectify women out of context?
It’s critical we get clear on the distinction between empowerment and exploitation. I don’t have kids, but if I did I would hope I could explain how the halftime show differed from the images, videos and innuendos they are exposed to on a daily basis in the media, at school, in social media, and from their peers. A woman on a pole does not make her a whore. A unitard with sequence on it is a costume — it’s sometimes simply meant for entertainment. Let’s have these conversations.
Ever since Madonna — lest we forget her iconic performance at the MTV VMA’s in a white wedding dress in 1984 — women in music have been pushing the limits around societal norms of female sexuality and how we express it. Think Christina Aguilera and Dirrty. Britney Spears and I’m A Slave 4 U or Work B**ch. Beyoncé and, well — a lot. (As a side note, I just reviewed her performance at the 2013 halftime show for reference and there was just as much, if not more, leather, short skirts, and ass shaking as this year’s. In fact, Beyonce overtly licked her finger and ran it down her cleavage. I don’t recall a frenzy.) The public’s reaction is a barometer on where we stand with embracing — or suppressing — feminine power and the goddess — in all her forms. The virgin. The madonna. The vixen. The dominatrix. The savior. The destroyer. The mother.
As a woman (somewhere between the ages of Shakira and J.Lo) still learning to embrace the power of my own sexuality, I bow to the strength and confidence two women seem to have found much earlier in life than I did. I am finding my own voice and the confidence to express it outside of the dance studio or the privacy of my own space. This is the reason I feel so strongly against the strikes against their performance. Criticism of two feels like criticism to all of us who are in the midst of not only appreciating, but loving, our bodies and commanding our power.
What disturbs me most is how people want to manage women’s sexuality. It’s okay to send me texts saying how much you love my ass and the feel of your fingers in between my legs yet, somehow, J.Lo’s ass chaps and crotch shots are inappropriate. In the words of the oh-so-eloquent Usher it seems people “want a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed.”
I’m not saying every woman needs to walk around in tight leather pants and lingerie. Nor should they feel the need to give performances or overtly display their sexuality. All I’m saying is women should feel free to express their sexuality without fear of being marginalized, sexualized, demeaned or violated. It’s up to each woman to deem what is appropriate and respectful for herself and understand the motivations for why she chooses to express herself the way she does. And for the parents out there — how they choose to discuss these sensitive topics with their children when they do arise.
Truth be told, at first, I wrinkled my nose at part of J.Lo’s performance thinking it was in poor taste and “unrefined”. However in that very moment, I took pause to self reflect and ask myself why am I disgusted by this? Without getting into details about my own shit, the only direction to point the finger of judgment was at myself.
All of life is a mirror for us to examine our own behavior, wounds, misperceptions, and beliefs. The show was the show. J.Lo is J.Lo and Shakira is Shakira. (Incredibly sexy, powerful, and fully embodied Goddesses in my humble opinion). If it made you feel uncomfortable or angry or disapproving then ask yourself why and get down to the real reason you felt anything but joy, celebration and elation at watching this performance. Because I guarantee you — that’s all those women felt when they were up there on that stage.
Thank you Shakira and J.Lo — for reminding me of my own power and how to embrace my body as a vehicle for divine expression. And God bless the J.Los, the Colin Kaepernicks, and yes — the Trumps — of this world. They show us where we all have work to do. And needless to say — it’s quite a bit.
